Attachment Theory.

John Bowlby’s theory and human relationships.

Attachment theory has a three-attachment style. Secure, Avoidant and Anxious or Ambivalent.

Secure attachment is when caregivers are responded continuously for child needs. A child feels safe and trusts for the environment. As an adult person who grows up in strong attachment have excellent ability to trust others, faster establishes new friendships. They are happier in a relationship. Feel comfortable, secure and connected. They are satisfied with their life. They are honest and independent. Supportive and helpful in a relationship. When the problems arrive, they are willing to talk and resolve their dilemma. (Bowlby,1997) 

Avoidant attachment is a situation where a child was avoided without full attention by caregivers and learned to be depended on him/her self rather than expect help from others. This attachment has effect in adult life as avoidance behaviour, lack of trust, selfish, pseudo- independent and other emotional distances. (Bowlby,1997). This kind of attachment was created by caregivers who do not attend much in their, children life. Lack of attendance – no one at home, most of the time the children spend time alone with unsecured and negative thoughts. 

That experiences from childhood bring in the adult life emotional hunger, needy and clingy personality. Often demanding and possesses. This person will seek an intimate relationship, but also, constant fear of abandonment will bring rumination in their life. Easy irritated and jealous with feeling insecure. (Bowlby,1997) In this scenario, we see how significant the relationship is and how is developing in many different ways in later life. Also, a child who was growing up in that particular attachment that similar behaviour will be replicated in adulthood. (Bowlby,1997). 

According to Carl Rogers also, the human relationship is notable in therapeutic existence. Counselling and psychotherapy are depended, as it were, on building a human association with clients, (Clarkson, 2014) where a deep level of trust is set up, this rises above any methodology, this is seen in crafted by Carl Rogers. He describes the core conditions of Empathy, Congruence and Unconditional positive regards, as the establishments of building a relational partnership between two individuals. As far the core conditions are developed in the therapeutic relationship that far increasing our awareness and creates understanding in a human relationship. (Rogers, 1995). 

The necessary aspect of the human relationship to the self-representations was described very educatively by Constantine Sedikides. Three selves. Individual Selves, Rational and Collective Selves. 

The individual self-mirrors a man’s uniqueness. This representation involves qualities, for example, characteristics and practices, side interests and preoccupations, yearnings and objectives—that separate the individual from others. Also, this sort of self is moderately free of dyadic connections or group participation. (Sedikides & Brewer, 2002) 

The social self-reflects match bonds or connections (e.g., emotional, romantic relationship or other, companionships). This replica includes qualities that are shared with close others and may characterise parts inside the relationship. The attributes separate the relationship from the connections that other individuals have. (Clarkson, 2014) 

The collective self-reflects participation in, and besides comparability and identification with, esteemed social gatherings. This portrayal involves characteristics that are imparted to ingroup individuals and may characterise parts inside the group. The attributes separate the ingroup from relevant outgroups. (Sedikides & Brewer, 2002) 

A fundamental psychological need is explored in Maslow’s Pyramid of Needs, and one of the needs are belonging and relationship. Wisely Maslow notice that needs is important to good experiencing well-being (Maslow & Town, 2013). As a human, we need to be with other people for a simple reason. Without other fellowship, we are not capable to live in fully. We need each other for build relations for growing and existence. 

As a singular person, we are not sufficient to found food, shelter, and threads. People need help and cooperation with other people. People have evolved to cooperate because cooperation gives us a better chance of survival. We need connection with other people not only for procreation but also for general wellbeing and growth our value as a human. 

For instance, for Buber, to be is mean to be in connection, in exchange, in dialogue. To be an individual, for Buber, is to hold oneself of a disposition of connection by saying an “essential word.” I-Thou and I-It. These two essential words stamp two different ways of being concerning the world. I-It connections are represented by meeting and using objects. These are one-way connections. The I of I-It relations comprehends and encounters the world as one made out of articles locatable in space and time. Along these lines of identifying with the world sees no difference amongst individuals and things. 

I-Thou relationships are two-way connections in understanding as discourse. One being experiences another with shared mindfulness. I-Thou connections are described by what Buber calls presentness. For Buber, the present is not the theoretical point amongst past and future, yet like the endless now of the spiritualist, it is the nearness of force and wholeness and exists just seeing that gathering and connection exist. The experience of I-Thou is so powerful that it is not sustainable. 

In this manner, each I-Thou relationship must turn into an I-It relationship. In final once one encounters the I-Thou as a man with characteristics that can be acknowledged independently, the transient I-Thou relationship vanishes. Once an It has been an I- Thou, in any case, it generally can turn into an I- Thou once more. It is, in this way, workable for a man to have an I- It association with another that never progresses toward becoming I-Thou (Buber 2002, p. 34). If a relationship is described only by encountering and utilising, at that point the other never turns into an I-Thou

Join 54 other followers


If her past were your past, her pain your pain, her level of consciousness your level of consciousness, you would think and act exactly as she does. With this realization comes forgiveness, compassion and peace.

Eckhart Tolle


Book a free counselling session today.